dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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