im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
