You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize