My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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