So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
two words: eviction party
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
