Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
