The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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