margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
