since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize