a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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