Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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