I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
