I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
