You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
