bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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