Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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