i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
