OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
there is glitter all over my balls
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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