im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
