She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
