Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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