can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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