ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His hands were made for my vagina.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
