my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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