I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
