Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
