Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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