I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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