It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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