Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
