I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
