my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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