Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
