I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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