In the future we'll all be gay
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I didn't notice because vodka
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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