There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
