she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
