Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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