I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
