Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
