the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
