I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
