Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
