you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
