Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
