You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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