And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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