No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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