This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm sobbing to NWA
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
