All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
