Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
