well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
