the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
