I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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