420 ftw
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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