lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just gargled with NyQuil
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
