Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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