I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
