You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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