So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
