Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
