she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
