she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
