ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
