she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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