I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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