The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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