if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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