i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Randomize