sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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