The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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