i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
