I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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