i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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