You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
