yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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