Don't you send me to vm
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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