I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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