I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
