Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you're hired as official boob wrangler
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
