You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I looked at my own cervix.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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